No, I can't be with him. I realize that what I've been in wrong path. I know that it's not supposed to be like this. I dare myself to define "comfortable", what kind of that condition exactly? Am I sure that it's not just the game of my perception, game of my imagination, or game of feeling? If that's just a game, so it can be created by human, by me. It's not kind of natural thing that maybe every person in this world has they own definition. Yes, it's subjective matter. I prefer to consider that condition like a game of my mind. You feel comfort simply because you choose to feel that comfortness. If you choose otherwise and decide to feel uncomfort, you can't feel that comfortable condition. Maybe it's back to what you decide to feel and to think. You are a controller of your mind and feeling. So, I think I don't have any privilage to blaming other for what my mind think and my heart feel. The one and only you can blame is just your self.
I know, it's difficult, at least for me. Based on my point of view, I created my feeling and what I feel now is just my game. Dear God, what should I do? I'm on the edge of my need. I don't wanna live in grey area, let me out of this and bring me to black or white world that I used to live. I don't wanna lose him, but will our relationship still be good? Oh God, I don't even have any power to imagine that thing. I wanna keep my people in my life, always in my life. They help me to be me.. God, please make it easier.
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